[livejournal.com profile] realmofthemuse: Prompt 2.11.2. Secrets & Lies

Oct. 27th, 2009 11:33 pm
foreverwarrior: (Miranda (b/w sword))
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What secrets do you wish you hadn’t kept?

Rubbing down Snowdancer was just the therapy I needed after what had happened with the kids. I'd been able to concentrate on something else for a little bit. Besides it wasn't like the mustang could tell a soul what I'd said. I stomped the snow from my boots and let myself in quietly through the mudroom. From the den, I could hear Wade and the kids deep in conversation.

"But she's not our real mom," I heard Erin argue as I walked towards the door.

I stopped cold in the middle of the hallway, something inside me screaming to pack up and leave. Then and there. Tonight. And never look back. I'd done it a million times before, and I could damn well do it again.

"You're right, she's not," Wade replied softly, sadly. "She never talks about it, but she can't have kids."

"Why not?" Erin asked.

"She said something about getting kicked as a kid that fouled up those plans but good," he answered.

It was a lie. A lie I'd told him just a few weeks after we'd first met, but I couldn't see myself marching in there and saying "the reason is, I'm Immortal and we can't have kids." As Wade's uncle Charlie once said, "that'd go over like a fart in church on Sunday." Even better than that would be, "hon, I know we've been married for twenty-plus years, but I'm nearly as old as Christ." Again, another fart in church. I knew Wade. He couldn't stand for anyone to lie to him for any reason, and for me to keep something that huge from him for that long would be something he'd never forgive me for.

"You two have to understand, we're the only family she has." At least that was the truth. "She never had any brothers or sisters, and her parents died in a car wreck just before she graduated high school. All she had were her daddy's truck and Falling Water."

I pressed my lips together, trying to hold back a sob. More lies, more secrets. I had to explain how I ended up on the circuit. I knew rodeo folk were a proud bunch and if they ever caught wind that I had a bank account big enough to buy Texas, I'd never hear the end of it.

"She could've ended up doing other things to make ends meet." I knew, just as the kids did, that he meant other things as being a hooker or worse. "Instead, she did the only things she knew how. She rode. She raced. She trained. I've never seen anyone who can train a horse like her. I knew then that if she treated a man as good as she did a horse, he was one lucky fella."

The wistful tone in Wade's voice was my undoing. Before I could make an absolute fool of myself, I retreated upstairs. I looked around the room Wade and I shared. Night was just falling outside of the windows as I sat with a battered old photo album on my lap. In it were pictures of Wade and I on the circuit, at our wedding in front of a justice of the peace, with the kids at various rodeos, finally buying the ranch, me training our first horse. Little by little, in each picture, Wade aged and the the kids grew, but I never changed a bit. Sure, I had the odd moment where I cut my hair, but for the most part, I remained just as I had been nearly two thousand years ago.

I couldn't tell him now. It was too late for "oh, hon, by the way"s. Not for the first time, I cursed my Immortality. For once I wanted to know what it would've been like to have children of my own, to grow old with someone, to be a grandparent. As long as I kept my head, those things couldn't happen, and even if I did lose my head, it was over and I'd be six feet under. Gods how I hated this secret, this burden, this truth, and this pain.



Quinnleigh Kincaid
Highlander OC
690 Words

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